Don’t Be Scared
Creating a Road Map for Understanding
Many children at Klingberg Family Centers have a difficult story to tell. As much as a care team can help a child make progress, true change happens when a child takes an active role in her own healing.
Often, our children have been the victims of violence and abuse before coming into our care . As they struggle to deal with their history of hurt and chaos we might see their moments of rage and helplessness expressed in heartbreaking meltdowns and moments of aggression toward themselves or others. Our therapists, counselors, teachers and staff all work to help kids find better ways to express their emotions.
Sometimes, answers can be found simply by getting to know a child, and a child’s journey can become a roadmap for helping others. Here is a case in point:
Asia, a beautiful 13 year old girl, is a client in Klingberg Family Centers’ Foster Care and Adoption program through the Wendy’s Wonderful Kids Program. Recruiter Mary Dean works to find adoptive homes for children like Asia–children who are older and who might have special emotional or physical needs. It can often take a long time to find a family for these children. Prospective parents, although they sincerely want to help, may be intimidated by the commitment required to manage potential challenges.
Asia’s home life has been fractured. Since she was removed from her birth family, she has been in many different foster homes, each representing a different type of family constellation. She’s also been in a number of residential settings and hospitals. She struggles to understand why it’s so difficult for Mary to find good parents for her. She longs to live with a family that claims her as their own. Asia asked Mary about what she teaches in her parenting classes to prepare Foster and Adoptive Moms and Dads. Inspired by Mary’s response, Asia decided to write her own book on how to best parent a child like herself. Titled What Parents Should Know, Asia wrote:
Parents should not feel sad for what happened to kids in the past. They should respect it and show them that there are better things to be had in life than worrying about the past. And do you know what else? Having family there with you would make a difference to lots of kids out there in the world that do not have a happy family.
Don’t be scared to love a kid with harmful behavior. Harmful behavior happens when kids feel really alone. Kids with harmful behavior need help. Getting to know them in the beginning, (before you see the behaviors) can help a lot because then they will always know that you will be there for them. Because they know you are there for that kid to count on you!!
Mary is continuing to work with Asia on her book, and continues to look for just the right home for her. In the meantime, we continue to learn from Asia.
Always Be Strong
Elsewhere on the Klingberg campus, in classrooms or unit bulletin boards, and in dormitory rooms, visitors will see posters made by kids out of construction paper, magic marker, glitter and glue that instead of being decorative will be very powerful messages that serve as reminders to the new life skills that the children are learning, and want and need to remember.
- A poster made by a middle school student shows the life skills she is developing.
Violent Behaviors
• Affect people around me
• Avoid Violent Behavior-by speaking to staff, expressing feelings, asking for space.
• Physical Aggression= lose trust =people become scared =Regret.
Model Positive Behaviors
• Use Coping Skills-with music, art, writing, poetry, talking, computer, family, friends, sleeping, exercising, journaling.
Respect Privacy & Space
• Actions or words can invade privacy and space
• Conflicts bring negativity, space brings respect
• Always respect yourself and others will respect you
Always be Strong for yourself and others
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It’s amazing to see kids who have been through times more difficult than those of us who grew up in better circumstances can imagine, helping each other, offering comfort, and easing their friends through the rough moments, sharing what they have learned at Klingberg in their own process. Each child, like Asia, through their experiences has something to teach those who will take the time to get to know them.
